It was a cool, crisp autumn afternoon. For once, the girls and I agreed to do something together, and it was decided that we would take the dogs for a walk at our local park. A large baseball field seemed perfect for a quiet, leisurely stroll.
The girls had Bert, our Corgi, and his short legs pumped happily along to their rhythmic strides. I however, was walking Lexus; our ever growing, never relaxed Great Dane and I recognized that she could use a stronger workout. Although it should have been obvious to anyone observing the situation that her strides far out matched my own, I decided that a good, brisk jog was just what the doctor ordered to help burn off all of that nervous energy of hers.
We started out at my command, which I tried to translate for her into a controlled jaunt. Unfortunately, Lexus had not yet learned the difference between a canter as opposed to let’s say, a full blown sprint and she took off at record speed. Ever the willing participant, and not to be outdone by a ten month old puppy, I readily accepted her challenge. By swinging my arms and stretching out my sluggish legs, I picked up my pace considerably.
I can remember the feeling of interruption on my right foot. It could have been a branch, a rock, or even a lump of grass that caught my big toe and I fell ever forward.
Then in an instant, and thanks to an incredible force, I was aloft. I was astonishingly airborne, and a good five or six feet above the ground. As I sailed across the field with remarkable ease, I could feel the wind blowing through my hair, the sun shining on my face, the security of the leash tethered to a hurtling Dane, and finally the force of the stone hard ground as I crashed, flat lining unto the turf below.
I lay spread eagle on the field, my face covered in dirt, my hair entangled with the varied colors of the fallen leaves. The force of my landing caused my hand to let go of the leash, and Lexus raced ahead. Circling round, she then came galloping back to survey her damage.
I heard the horrified gasps of my daughters as they rushed to my side to check my vitals. Their terrified tone of concern was evident in their frantic voices.
“Oh my gosh!!! Mom!!!” “Are you all right?!? Are you OK?!? Mom, speak to us!”
“It’s all right, girls. I am OK.”
“Are you sure, Mom, are you positive- is anything broken?”
“No, no I am fine, nothing broken, everything is OK”.
“Are you sure Mom, are you absolutely positive??”
“Yes, yes, yes, for crying out loud, I am fine!”
“Good…… cause that was the funniest thing we ever saw! Hahahaha!!!!”
“My gosh, you were flying!! And it took you forever to hit the ground!”
I humbly crawled to my knees, and sat up to witness my daughters exploding with laughter beside me. They had picked up Lexus’ leash and were practically rolling on the ground from the weakness brought about by the sight of my maiden voyage. I sat there, silently hoping that one of them would pee their pants, as they both stated they thought they would. At least then I wouldn’t be the only side show curiosity in broad view of the neighboring houses.
I turned my gaze from my hecklers to the one who had created my flight and caused my throbbing pain. Lexus stood beaming, tail wagging excitedly, her tongue hanging out from a mouth that was shaped in a grin. Her mission of my humiliation was complete for the day.